From setbacks to steady ground: A landscape architect’s journey to grow on her own terms

Thinking years ahead is hardest on the mornings when everything happens at once.

Aryen and her husband, an architect, raise their two children – aged 10 and 7 – without a helper at home.

She recounted a recent week when both children came down with a fever on the same days she had meetings she couldn’t miss. Her job is mostly on-site, so working from home isn’t usual, but she asked her boss for approval so she could look after them and still get her work done.

“My work will be slower, but at least I can still deliver. I’ll still meet my timelines,” she said.

Her days start at 5.30am, with breakfast and recess snacks made before anyone leaves the house.

The best part of the day

After work, she cooks again – dinner, ready for when everyone comes home.

It’s the part of the day she loves most.

“Breakfast gives us energy to start the day. But dinner is our bonding time – we sit together, chat, share what happened. One of the first things my children ask when they get home is, ‘Mummy, what are you cooking today?’” Aryen shared.

People often ask how she manages it. Her answer is simple.

“Children don’t need fancy meals. They just appreciate home-cooked food that fills their stomachs and their hearts with love,” she said.

To make the rest of her tasks easier, she has bought household tools – a dishwasher, a dryer, a robot vacuum cleaner.

“They’re expensive, but worth it. They save time, so I can focus on what matters most – my family,” said Aryen.

She is also teaching her children to do their part: “They’re not born knowing – you have to teach them. It takes time, but these small lessons build resilience, responsibility and independence for the future.”

Learning to grow through change

Aryen’s career hasn’t moved in a straight line.

She left jobs for personal reasons more than once, and when her first child was born, she stepped back from work for a time.

Each change tested her confidence before it rebuilt it.

“At the low points, you start to question yourself – are you really that bad, are you really not capable? But I learnt to throw all that away. Setbacks don’t define your worth. Sometimes it’s not your ability – it’s whether you’re in the right place. 

“When you find the right place, your strengths can shine, and you grow with confidence,” she said.

It’s the same thing she might say about a plant in the right soil.

Through all the ups and downs, she held on to one belief: the value of standing on her own two feet.

“I believe a woman should have her own income. When it’s your own money coming in, you feel secure – you can buy what you need without having to ask,” said Aryen.

She believes every woman should be free to make her own choice, so she’s careful not to tell others what to do.

“I respect women who choose to stay home with their children full-time. Neither choice is right or wrong. It’s the one that works for you and your family – not what others expect,” Aryen clarified.

Someone in her corner

Between jobs, Aryen went looking for support – and found more of it than she expected close to home.

She signed up for NTUC’s Women Supporting Women Mentorship Programme, and was matched with her mentor, Susan Teo.

The help wasn’t what she first expected.

Aryen shared: “It wasn’t about her finding me a job … Susan listened, gave me perspective. When you’re stuck in your own thoughts, you lose sight of the bigger picture. Sometimes one honest conversation is enough to shift your mindset and help you move forward. 

“It reminded me I wasn’t alone.”

Susan’s main advice was to stop trying to do everything at once – and Aryen, who is now getting ready to take a professional exam next month, took it to heart.

The programme also drew her deeper into NTUC. Through it, she attended sessions on flexible work and caregiving, and started to see how much help there was for members.

A member of the Built Environment and Urban Trades Employees’ Union (BATU), Aryen admits she once wondered whether her membership was worth it.

“I nearly cancelled my $9 a month membership – I wasn’t sure what I was paying for. But when I had time between jobs and looked properly, I realised it offers a lot more than I thought. A lot of people just don’t know,” she said.

Room to breathe

As a mother of school-age children, Aryen knows caregiving doesn’t ease off once the preschool years are over.

“At every stage, my children need me. In primary school, there’s Teachers’ Day, Children’s Day early dismissal, home-based learning, sick days. It doesn’t stop when they get older,” she said.

Today, she is entitled to just two days of childcare leave a year – the same whether she has one child or two – and often dips into her annual leave to cover the rest.

So she welcomed the changes to childcare leave announced at this year’s National Day Rally. Under the new scheme – which hasn’t started yet – working parents of Singaporean children up to age 12 will receive more leave, based on family size: 8, 10 or 12 days a year for one, two, or three or more children. For a family with two kids, like hers, that means 10 days for each parent.

“When the announcement came, I felt the Government finally recognises that parents need more,” she said.

It is a change NTUC and Labour Members of Parliament – among them NTUC Assistant Secretary-General Yeo Wan Ling – had pushed for, after asking the Government to look again at whether the old entitlement was enough.

Still, Aryen’s welcome comes with the realism of a working mother. She knows leave can be read the wrong way – that an employer might think twice about someone with young children.

She doesn’t agree with that.

“Having children doesn’t make you less capable or less committed. If anything, parents get very good at time management, prioritising, resilience, juggling many things at once. Those are strengths,” Aryen said.

Her answer is the same balance she brings to everything – trust, on both sides.

“As long as I finish my work and deliver, that should be what matters. When employers show trust and flexibility, people are more motivated and committed. It’s a win-win,” said Aryen.

Planting for what’s ahead

For someone whose work is measured in decades, Aryen has learnt to take each day as it comes.

“Take it one step at a time … Let [my children] finish primary school first, then secondary, then think about university. There’s no need to rush, or to compare yourself with others. 

“Being too kiasu just creates stress. Focus on the present, do your best, and let things unfold naturally,” she advised.

It’s a way of thinking she keeps close, along with a line she often comes back to, from author Simon Sinek: that failure isn’t the end – even when something doesn’t work out, you’ve still learnt something.

And she has learnt plenty. Like the landscapes she designs – planted now, to be enjoyed years later – she is happy to let good things take root in their own time.

“Stay curious, keep exploring, and never stop believing in your journey,” she said.

NTUC Women and Family supports working women and caregivers at every stage of their careers – from the Women Supporting Women Mentorship Programme to flexible work and return-to-work help. To find out more, visit NTUC Women and Family.